I had a pretty shitty day. So naturally I’m going to drag you all along with me. I don’t necessarily want you to have a bad day, too, but I do feel the need to tell you about my first world problems.

The day started off so promising. I planned to leave my office at noon and start my long holiday weekend. That is really enough to raise anybody’s spirits. When the clock struck 12, I headed out and called my dear friends Brandie and Clint to see if they’d like to meet for lunch. I figured they weren’t working. I mean it’s the Friday before Christmas and I’m probably the only person who bothered to go in to any type of office environment today. I was right, they were at Walgreens doing whatever couples do at Walgreens. I try not to ask.

So it was decided that we would go to a place called Fox and Hound. It’s a chain and it’s likely that you have one in your neighborhood. After I consumed an entire pizza and a responsible amount of beer (it was like 12:30, I’m not a monster), I headed out to my truck to head home. I pressed the unlock button on my keys and was greeted by a “honk”. This was not a good sign, as my truck only honks in that situation if the door is already unlocked. Is it possible that I didn’t lock my truck? My immediate thought was “I hope nobody stole anything.” I got in my truck and found that was not the case. My tablet and iPod were both gone. I should mention now that I had every intention of taking the tablet in with me. I just had one of those forgetful moments as I pulled into the parking lot. I was excited to be out of work and meeting friends. Anyway, at this point I was cursing myself for leaving the door unlocked… only, I knew that couldn’t have been the case. So I got out of the truck and checked my lock. Just as I suspected, it had been pushed in and broken. Thieves around here are very crafty.

I’m not really asking for sympathy. It was my dumbass who left the tablet on the seat of my truck. The frustrating part is that I feel like it was my fault. Have things really come to a point that we can’t even blame thieves for what they do? I mean this motherfucker destroyed my lock and took my shit, and I’m the asshole? I shouldn’t feel that way. I just hope that it was worth it. I keep hoping maybe the sale of my tablet provided somebody with a Christmas or food or clothing or something worthwhile.

If you’re out there, I figure you needed it more than I did. Merry Christmas. I’m still going to call you an asshole, but know that I mean it in the most endearing way possible.