Ignoring the groan inducing name, I’m genuinely excited for Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale. Smash Brothers with Kratos and Fat Princess. Brilliant. Brilliantly original? No, but when Nintendo’s beloved fighter is the source material, who gives a damn?
We’ve seen only a handful of stages and characters from this game, but that little taste is making my mind crazy. Seriously, I feel like Dylan right after his pre-podcast snortsky of coke.
Simply look at what they showed us: Kratos, Fat Princess, Parappa the Rappa, General Raddoc from Killzone, Sly Cooper and Sweet Tooth. Most importantly, look at Fat Princess. I ask you, what did she do in her PSN debut? Scream for cake and get carried around. Again, similar to Dylan post-snortksy. But they gave her a full move set, and that tells us this game is capable of some interesting character choices.
Now, avoiding some obvious selections like Uncharted and LittleBigPlanet, here are some franchises I’d love to see Battle Royale‘s developer, Superbot, include in their debut title.
Metal Gear Solid: This is Sony’s most important third party franchise. Since the original Playstation, MGS has been one of Sony’s most popular series. While this selection is relatively obvious, it offers so many characters that I would be foolish not to mention it. Raiden is a clear contender for a spot on the roster. He’s a sword wielding, nano-bot infested, melodramatic ninja. He break dances on mechs for god’s sakes!
Battle Royale could also draw from the great bosses of Snake Eater. It would be as amazing as it would be hilarious to see The End furiously rolling around in his wheel chair while sniping people. Think of Murderball but with actual murder.
Team ICO: Wander from Shadow of the Colossus and that kid from Ico. This dynamic duo could be similar to Smash‘s Link and Toon Link: Have almost identical move sets but different looks and slight changes in play style. Seeing these artsy franchises integrated into an arcade brawler would be spectacular.
Castlevania: In what many consider to be the highlight of the franchise, Symphony of the Night was one of the Playstation’s greatest games. The game’s protagonist, Alucard, would be awesome in Battle Royale. His arsenal could draw from all of Castlevania’s iconic items such as holy water, that throwing axe and one of his special attacks being the time stopping hourglass. I will accept how overpowered this clock stopping move would be if and only if Cher’s “If I could Turn back Time” plays after a victim’s death.
Portal: Now, this is a real long shot. Valve only recently came over to the Playstation family after bashing it for years, but Portal 2‘s Atlus and P-body could be amazing characters in this game. Think of them working like the Ice Climbers: a duo that is simultaneously controlled by the player. Obviously you’d control Atlus (because only idiots like P-body) and set up traps with their lovely portals, grab items and fast travel across the stage. Yeah, it’d be hard to balance, but that’s why I write about games and not make them. My job is to yell at people for making stupid mistakes and not take responsibility for any mess-up. I yell at Naughty Dog for making Uncharted 3‘s campaign lame, while I’m fully aware I can’t make Drake’s character model keep his feet beneath him. Anyway, I digress, but I had to bash Uncharted 3’s campaign. It’s my thing. Get used to it.
Honorable Character Mentions: The Clown from Heavy Rain, Uncharted 2‘s blue dudes, a physical Playstation that summons NBA Jam-like figures of Jack Trenton, Kevin Butler and Kaz Hirai, and the giant enemy crab from that thing with the giant enemy crab.
Those are simply a few ideas I have for this game. Some more serious than others and most very unlikely, but I like to think about these things.
In a perfect world, this game would be grand. In a real world, Sony will do something stupid with it. In my world, it would get Vita support. Nintendo mentioned something about a console to handheld crossover. Steal the idea! You hear me, Sony? Take what Nintendoes and do that thing, or something like that. Whatever, I’m not a wordsmith.
So what do all you guys think? Leave a comment down below about a character, stage or item you’d like to see in Superbot’s We need to change this name quickly game.