Come on guys. Just because some little jerkface is all uppity about his stupid controller is no reason to get all pissed at me. I just told that little twerp where he could stick it. He’s the one being a total douche. So his controller is a little late… big fucking deal. When I was born 6 weeks early and lost 13% of my brain cells, did you hear me writing some stupid fucking letter to God? Of course not, he’s got better things to do, and so do I. Things don’t always happen as scheduled. I have a lot of marketting to do. My job is to make you want this dumb fucking contraption, not help you out when we can’t provide it. You already paid your money so my job is done.
Mike Krahulik? Why the fuck is the coach of the mighty Duke Blue Devils emailing me about PAX? He says he won’t let me go anymore, but little does he know that I once had a 5-way with the mayors of both Boston and Seattle and their wives. I GET INTO ANY FUCKING CONVENTION I WANT, COACH! Oh, he says he’s not the coach. He’s from Penny Arcade. I guess that’s cool. Where is the backpedal key on this thing? What the fuck? He still says I can’t go. I wrote a super nice letter back once I figured out who you were!! YOU WILL RESPECT MY BACKPEDAL OR MY MARKETTING TEAM WILL TELL EVERYBODY YOU RUN YOUR SITE ON THE SOULS OF DEAD KITTENS!
Fuck me, you see how many periods and commas I’ve used in this thing? I even almost spelt everything right. This shit is exhausting. How the fuck does everybody use this pucttattion shit all day? i just like to use letter keys and the space bar sometimesidontevenusethespacebar. My thumbs have better shit to do than bend to your fucking rules of typing and grammar. But I tigress.
My twitter sure is blowing up today. Why does everybody keep making fun of the extra t in @OceanMarketting? You don’t go runing or swiming. You gotta double up your consonants, bro.
Shit, this is getting annoying. I’ll just change my Twitter name. What should I change it to? Let’s see: OceanBartter? Nah. OceanRettailing? That’s fucking stupid. OceanExxxchange? That’s awesome! I’m a goddamn genius. It’s all sexually suggestive and shit. Fuck, it’s taken by some underwater wank site.
Ok I got it, OceanStratagy. Because I’m statagizing up in this bitch all fuckin’ day.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a bunch of other whiny little bitches to respond to. Imma tell this next one I banged his mom with the mayor of Florida.
PAULY C, OUT!